New Blog

Hi to all my friends here.

A few months ago I started a new blog to mark the next stage of my transition. I had unfortunately had to make this blog private for the last few months as I was worried about people close to me finding out before it had all come out as I planned.
As I am now full time I am leaving this open again just in case it is useful for anyone going through a similar experiance.

I have started a new blog and the address is

http://wowthestartofmynewlife.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-new-start-in-life.html

Hope to see you there.

Lisa x

Update from Tenerife

So here I am in an internet cafe in Tenerife.

In Playa de Las Americas to be exact.

Its a tough few days I have had. Temperatures in the 30�s and sun sand and the sea to deal with. Not to mention the swimming pool, the good food and plenty of drink in the all inclusive place I came to!

I came away with 2 things in mind. The first was to relax after a tough year. This I have managed to do quite well. Although at times on my own it has been a bit boring, my MP3 player and books have been there for me. I also managed to meet a family all in there 50�s and 60's who come together every year. i meet them most evenings to watch the enteratainment in the hotel and have a chat.

The second thing I wanted to do was gain confidence and push myself into trying new things.

Again I have suceeded. Having no one to rely on but myself meant I had to just get stuck into being me. No time to worry quite how I looked or sounded (although I did worry) but the emphasis was on just doing it as well as I can, and to relax and just be me.

On this count I am pleased to. Lots of new firsts.

- I have sunbathed in my swimming costume. I took the safe route and went for an untra conservative all in 1 but I still did it.

- I swam in the hotel pool

- I went swimming in the sea

- I enjoyed the beach complete with my hippy style beach top ( I love it!)

- I tried Tai Chi with an American instructor in the hotel. He loved my hippy style top. He said he used to wear the hippy style (God he was hansome and so fit!)

- I talked to strangers of many different nationalities. The hotel is a real mix of Brits, Germans, French, Italien, Dutch, Polish and just about every other nationality you can think of from Europe.

- I managed to complete my first novel in years!

Sure I have drank to much and eaten to much but in self defence I have managed 4 x 6 mile runs so far with anothe planned for tomorrw morning. This is helping my guilt each time I look at a fresh glass of wine!

I know I am going to have to take 3 weeks off alcohol when I get home so my doctor does not faint when he sees my blood tests to see how the hormones are doing!

Last night I went for a walk after dinner and head the sounds of live music at a bar near the harbour.

I looked in and sat down at the back of the packed bar to have a quiet drink and enjoy the ambieance. No such luck. The couple on the stage asked me over the sound system where I was from. I was gutted. I had to answer in as loud a girly voice as I could imagine, the place I lived.

I had a quick look and no second glances so I breathed a sigh of relief,

Bloody hell but with sheer bad luck it turned out his best friend used to live about 3 miles away.

And so he kept asking questions and I just wanted to tell him to shut the Feck up so I could melt away and not worry about my voice.

But it ended well and we exchanged a few funny comments.

And so last night progressed from a fun start to a better finish.

Now I dont normally win much and when they came around with tickets for a prize draw I declined. The top prize was an all inclusive 6 hour trip on a boat to go whale watching. Worth about 50 Euros. Second prize was a bottle of wine. Third prize was a DVD and the booby prize was a salt and pepper pot!

Now the first person who was drawn decided to go for the wine as the boat trip was for 1 and they couldnt take there partner

The second person decided to go for the DVD

The third person got up and unbelievebly went for the salt and pepper pots! Much to everyones laughter

The next 3 sets of numbers drawn nobody admited to winning!!!!

Then the guy said does anyone want this free boat trip for 1 person.

I though "go for it" so I put my hand up. He asked what my ticket numbers were and I said I hadent bought any.

He luaghed and said tough luck!

Then he drew out another number and a man got up and said "Its mine but I will give it to the lady on her own at the back."Now how damn lucky am I!!

On the down side I had to walk up to the stage and accept the prize and answer more questions but hey ho its all confidence building.

So I go tomorrow at 10.45AM. I went to have a look at the boat and the type of people who go on it today to make sure I will be ok. It seems it attracts a mixed crowd from familes to couples and teenagers.

Quite looking forward to it. Not sure I am going to take my Bikini like the captain told me I must though !! LOL

I am glad I came away over all. I have relaxed and am gaining confidence all the time. I really do wish I had someone here to share the time with as it can be lonely on your own.

That said I am a seasoned travellor and I knew what to expect.

Not sure If I am going to have time to write another blog before I get home or not.

xx

So here I am in an internet cafe in Tenerife.

In Playa de Las Americas to be exact.

Its a tough few days I have had. Temperatures in the 30�s and sun sand and the sea to deal with. Not to mention the swimming pool, the good food and plenty of drink in the all inclusive place I came to!

I came away with 2 things in mind. The first was to relax after a tough year. This I have managed to do quite well. Although at times on my own it has been a bit boring, my MP3 player and books have been there for me. I also managed to meet a family all in there 50�s and 60's who come together every year. i meet them most evenings to watch the enteratainment in the hotel and have a chat.

The second thing I wanted to do was gain confidence and push myself into trying new things.

Again I have suceeded. Having no one to rely on but myself meant I had to just get stuck into being me. No time to worry quite how I looked or sounded (although I did worry) but the emphasis was on just doing it as well as I can, and to relax and just be me.

On this count I am pleased to. Lots of new firsts.

- I have sunbathed in my swimming costume. I took the safe route and went for an untra conservative all in 1 but I still did it.

- I swam in the hotel pool

- I went swimming in the sea

- I enjoyed the beach complete with my hippy style beach top ( I love it!)

- I tried Tai Chi with an American instructor in the hotel. He loved my hippy style top. He said he used to wear the hippy style (God he was hansome and so fit!)

- I talked to strangers of many different nationalities. The hotel is a real mix of Brits, Germans, French, Italien, Dutch, Polish and just about every other nationality you can think of from Europe.

- I managed to complete my first novel in years!

Sure I have drank to much and eaten to much but in self defence I have managed 4 x 6 mile runs so far with anothe planned for tomorrw morning. This is helping my guilt each time I look at a fresh glass of wine!

I know I am going to have to take 3 weeks off alcohol when I get home so my doctor does not faint when he sees my blood tests to see how the hormones are doing!

Last night I went for a walk after dinner and head the sounds of live music at a bar near the harbour.

I looked in and sat down at the back of the packed bar to have a quiet drink and enjoy the ambieance. No such luck. The couple on the stage asked me over the sound system where I was from. I was gutted. I had to answer in as loud a girly voice as I could imagine, the place I lived.

I had a quick look and no second glances so I breathed a sigh of relief,

Bloody hell but with sheer bad luck it turned out his best friend used to live about 3 miles away.

And so he kept asking questions and I just wanted to tell him to shut the Feck up so I could melt away and not worry about my voice.

But it ended well and we exchanged a few funny comments.

And so last night progressed from a fun start to a better finish.

Now I dont normally win much and when they came around with tickets for a prize draw I declined. The top prize was an all inclusive 6 hour trip on a boat to go whale watching. Worth about 50 Euros. Second prize was a bottle of wine. Third prize was a DVD and the booby prize was a salt and pepper pot!

Now the first person who was drawn decided to go for the wine as the boat trip was for 1 and they couldnt take there partner

The second person decided to go for the DVD

The third person got up and unbelievebly went for the salt and pepper pots! Much to everyones laughter

The next 3 sets of numbers drawn nobody admited to winning!!!!

Then the guy said does anyone want this free boat trip for 1 person.

I though "go for it" so I put my hand up. He asked what my ticket numbers were and I said I hadent bought any.

He luaghed and said tough luck!

Then he drew out another number and a man got up and said "Its mine but I will give it to the lady on her own at the back."Now how damn lucky am I!!

On the down side I had to walk up to the stage and accept the prize and answer more questions but hey ho its all confidence building.

So I go tomorrow at 10.45AM. I went to have a look at the boat and the type of people who go on it today to make sure I will be ok. It seems it attracts a mixed crowd from familes to couples and teenagers.

Quite looking forward to it. Not sure I am going to take my Bikini like the captain told me I must though !! LOL

I am glad I came away over all. I have relaxed and am gaining confidence all the time. I really do wish I had someone here to share the time with as it can be lonely on your own.

That said I am a seasoned travellor and I knew what to expect.

Not sure If I am going to have time to write another blog before I get home or not.

xx

New Blog

I have started a new blog which I will make public again.
The address is

http://wowthestartofmynewlife.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-new-start-in-life.html

Hope to see you there.

Lisa x

Bitter Sweet

Bitter sweet
My last week at work and only tomorrow to go before I am officially full time.
I envisaged I would feel like celebrating and be on cloud 9 but while I am pleased at being able to start my new life it is tinged with some regrets for the things I have lost.
On a personal front I have lost my wife. We are still close and I guess like best friends but the love, intimacy and relationship we had are gone now.
While we still talk and are open with each other there is still a sense of loss in both of us which sometimes finds its way to the surface and we end up a little upset. I know this will get easier but it still hurts.
My relationship with my kids will be different and I won’t be able to see them do the things I used to. Things like taking my kids to Karate, Rugby, Brownies, swimming and choir etc are now off the agenda in the immediate future at least. Parents evening and school plays etc I am also going to miss as I am going to respect my children’s wishes to give them some space in those environments.
I watched my son play rugby on Sunday for the last time. I had to walk away a little from the other parents as I was feeling a little fragile. My daughters have not allowed me to take them to school or their social clubs at all this school year in case anyone sees me.
It’s not that they are not comfortable with me its more that they are worried what others will say and any fall out. So far everyone including their close friends and parents have been great, but that is not to say that everyone will be.
I know I will shed some tears at those times although I will hide them. It feels like in some way I am excluded from certain parts of their lives.
This last couple of weeks at work has also been a bit emotional. I have said goodbye to many people internally and externally whom I have built up very good relationships with over the last 10 years. Almost without fail there has been genuine concern when I told them I was leaving for a while for personal reasons. I was unable to be more open with them than that due to an agreement. But they all were concerned for my health and offered their assistance in any way they could help. They all said they hoped to see me in the New Year when I sorted these personal issues out.
Most people at work are coming in tomorrow to say goodbye to me. Although the announcement said I was only leaving temporarily most realise they will not see me again. God knows how I am going to stop myself from bursting into tears!
So a sense of loss for the things I have lost or left behind in my transition.
At the same time tempered by the chance to start my life afresh and more honest with myself and the world.
Not quite the feelings I thought I would be having on the eve of my last day presenting as a man.
My god how bizarre, I am listening to an album called “Acoustic love” and “Perfect day” has just started playing.
Hopefully it will be.

First day on hormones and one week left at work

Well that was the end of my second last week at work. One more to go and then thank goodness I will be full time.
The week passed ok and mainly involved me handing over some of the major customers to my Director.
On Thursday I received a copy of the letter from the gender clinic to my GP advising them to issue me hormones. As you can imagine I was straight on the phone for an early appointment for Friday to get the prescription.
I managed to get a 7.30 AM appointment so I got up early did my hair and put on some leggings and a top and went to my GP. We had a little chat and I got my prescription for patches dispensing 50 micro grams every 24hours.
I then went home, got changed into drag (shirt and tie) and went to the dentist for a 9.00AM appointment. That went fine apart from a minor filling. I also took the opportunity to register my proper name now.
The receptionist was great even though I had a shirt and tie on. In fact she said she always thought I was a “pretty boy” so she thought I would make a “pretty girl”.
I have to admit I burst out with laughter and we both had a giggle.
Then off to work for a team briefing and the announcement that I would be leaving at the end of next week.
On the way back to the office I stopped at Boots (Chemists) and picked up my hormone patches.
Literally as soon as I walked into work I went to the visitors toilets (so clean that you could eat your dinner of the floor! –not that I would advise it) and put on my first patch. I thought from what I had heard that you would apply it to your bum but it advises to apply it to your abdomen and so that’s what I did.
I then went to the team brief where we announced I was leaving. It went ok but many people came up to me and said they would miss me. I couldn’t explain what was going on but will be in a position to do that in the future.
At the end of the day I visited my best friend and told him about me. As many who have followed my blog know, I held off telling him as there are many links between him and his family and work. This did make me feel guilty for holding something so personal and important from him.
We sat down for a couple of hours and I explained about everything that had been going on. Unfortunately his wife was still at work so he will have to explain to her.
He was really quite good about it, if not extremely surprised. I hope over the next few days as it sinks in that this does not change. In my experience the initial reaction has always been good but this is followed by a period of concern / worry and then people get their heads around it and are fine again.
I got home at 8.30 and was feeling tired. I went up to get changed but made the fatal mistake of lying on the bed. I awoke at 11.00PM and decided to get in my pyjamas and go back to bed. I didn’t wake up until 8.00 this morning.
I am not sure if this was the effect of the long day and busy week or the hormones.
Today was another good day as I managed to meet Jenny and her lovely wife for a look around a national trust house and onto a pub for lunch.
We had a really good chat and shared a few laughs.
Happy Iron anniversary to you both!
After that I drove towards home and stopped at a local coffee shop that is for sale. I had looked at this place around 9 months ago and wanted to have another look to see how business was going.
I had a chat with the owner. It was hilarious actually as when I spoke to her I said that I had looked at it before. She couldn’t remember me. When I explained to her that I had just transitioned and who I was she nearly fell off her chair!
We had a good chat and I think I am going to visit at various times over the next couple of weeks and see how busy or not they are along with the competition in town.
I must admit I am feeling tired again and am wondering if it is anything to do with the hormones.
Other than that I have only noticed a little dryness in my mouth. I was a bit gutted this morning when I realised I hadn’t grown 38C breasts over night but hey ho!!
Now I am going to enjoy my first glass of wine in a few days. I have to be careful now I am only allowed 14 units a week!!! Yikes.
xx

My Passport Arrived

A big smile on my face today as when I arrived home my new passport had arrived.
It says Lisa Maria and has "F" as the sex!!
Wow it feels nice.
If I had the money I would book a flight anywhere just to use it!!!

Now I am going to fill in the paperwork for my Driving licence. When I read that application I found they do a passport check so I wanted to get my passport changed first.

xxx

Well Where to start!

Well where to Start.
So much has been going on in all areas of my life.
Firstly work and I have agreed to depart by “Mutual agreement”. I can’t legally say much else about that but I am ok with it and the “Mutual agreement” suited us both.
So now in 2 more weeks I become a lady of leisure. I think I will have a 2 week holiday (relaxing at home I think) and then will start looking for another job. Something that will not be too stressful and engaging with people is high on my list.
I have a dream of opening up a coffee shop but maybe something a little different to the normal places.
I am thinking I may go and get a job in one for a few months to learn about coffee and the customers etc. It would also be a fun place to work me thinks. I know the money will be crap but for now it’s all I want really to be honest.
I visited the gender clinic today and that went well. I signed the consent forms for hormones and have requested patches as opposed to tablets.
She will get a letter of to my GP and says it will be with him for Thursday. She will copy me on it as she knows I will be straight on the phone to my GP to get the prescription!!!
So with a bit of luck on Friday or certainly Monday I should have my first patch to put on!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyy.
It seems such a long time ago I started on this journey and I can’t quite believe that I am finally about to start hormones. I can’t wait.
My first credit card has arrived in my new name. I am expecting my new bank details shortly along with my other credit card.
I haven’t heard anything back from the passport office yet, but hope to soon.
My wife had her 40th birthday party on Saturday night. Planning it took up a lot of time and decorating the house and cooking the food took up Friday night and Saturday. As you can imagine Sunday was spent cleaning up!
A great night was had by everyone. The night didn’t finish until 3.00AM and about 12 people stayed over here for the night.
There were about 50 people in total in the evening that came. As some were only just aware of me I decided that to make sure my wife was the centre of attention on her big day and to not cause any focus to come onto me and cause any issues.
It was strange as it was the first time in ages I was in androgynous mode. That said my hair was in girl mode so it felt kind of ok.
My extended family all came and it gave me the chance to talk to them for the first time since they knew. Aunties, uncles and cousins alike were all great. :- )
My children’s friends have all seen me several times now and are completely fine with it. It seems so natural like it has always been like this!
I have also had my interview at the university to start the 3 year degree course. The course starts on the 4th October so I am hoping to get confirmation I am on the course next week.
So I am in a good place right now. For the first time in ages I can see opportunities and not problems!
I even feel like playing my guitar again!!
Much more to say but I have so much to do that most may have to wait until I am a lady of leisure.
xxx