On the way home from Ireland I stopped at my Mums to pick up the kids. My wife had been on a late shift and had dropped them off.
I had tea there and then came home. My wife was home when I got in.
We had a few cross words which resulted in a row. It all started over something stupid and then tempers grew and she said a couple of things that really pissed me off.
The first was in response to something I said where she replied “maybe it is better you move out”
Then after telling her saying that was out of order and she should apologise, she replied with “you should apologise to me”
I asked what I should apologise for. The response came “for being like you are “
I said that was out of order and that I had apologised many times for putting her through this.
She then said I had ruined her life and that everyone would think she was a freak because of me.
I have had to come upstairs to calm down.
I am really thinking I should move out soon. I think tensions are going to get worse as full time gets closer and I am not sure it’s going to be the best thing to stay here for us all.
I guess we should go to a family lawyer and get some advice. Hopefully we could do this together.
Please help my friend Rebecca
7 hours ago
5 comments:
So sorry it seems to have come to this but it does seem that Amanda has not fully expressed her concerns, time for some honesty so that you both know exactly where you stand.
If there is a guilty party here it is society which is so close minded that there is only one acceptable coupling available! Step an inch outside the artificial boundary and you are not treated as a valid human any more, it is fear of the ignorant masses. Tonight I had one of the worst reactions to my news, nearly 30 seconds to think about it before coming round to the idea, their thinking time was about how to ask Julie if she was all right about the change, once she said our friendship was as strong as ever they were on board. Shame Amanda cannot see some positive reactions to base a decision on.
does relate take last minute bookings?
Caroline xxx
As someone who went through divorce proceedings, just a little thought. Do not let your shame or guilt push you into giving more away that what the law says, you will still have to pay child support I guessing, but do not let her play the shame or guilt card.
Sorry, this might be too painful, but you have to take care of yourself.
Hope you can find a place of peace.
Sarah
Sorry to hear that it's turned this way. Getting proper advice sounds like a good plan, espically as these discussions seem to be getting more frequent.
Just a thought though... Does your wife have a therapist as well? It may be worth looking into for her sake as well as your own.
Sterkte,
Stace
Most of that argument could be word for word between Mrs. J and I at our most heated, seems to be a common theme. I trust things are less heated in the cold light of day.
She's been holding things in. When I was still early in the process, my partner and I had fights like this, because sometimes she should hold things in too long until they exploded. I told her she had to tell me stuff right away, and eventually she did. She also had several sessions of counselling, mostly to deal with her feelings of insecurity at no longer being in a conventional, heterosexual marriage. And finally, we did a therapy weekend together during which we finally reached an understanding of each other.
That could still have resulted in our splitting up, but at least we would not have done so because we weren't communicating.
It makes no sense to apologize for who you are. You didn't ask to be born that way. You've already apologized for what you feel you have to do in order to keep yourself alive and well. What more is there?
I know you are planning on splitting up. If I had transitioned earlier in life, my partner and I would probably have split up, since we both would have needed a man. But this row sounds like one bad night when things that had been held back came out in inappropriate ways. One thing my partner and I learned in that weekend was how to do active listening with each other. It was worth the price.
Hugs for you, and I hope things are at least somewhat better with some of the pressure relieved.
xoxo
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