I had a meeting with my Director on Friday and after we had finished talking about some issues to do with business I asked for an update as to where he was with getting in touch with the independent consultant he mentioned.
It seems he has not found anyone yet. So basically nothing has happened at all really.
I pushed him as to why he has not contacted the person I recommended. He said he would rather understand the issue before getting in touch with her.
I explained it may take a long time for him to understand this condition and that I couldn’t wait that long. I explained that the lady I recommended would help his understanding significantly. I also assured him that there was no agenda to me recommending her. I explained it represented the best option for us to get through this successfully.
He said he has been trying to spend time thinking about it but he has many other issues to deal with.
Me being my normal pushy self told him I understood that but I couldn’t wait much longer to agree some dates and a plan.
He said he couldn’t handle this on his own and would ask our MD to get involved, and that he would talk to him on Monday after his week’s holiday.
I told him I had checked and it is my understanding that he was not back till Thursday. I went on to say I was surprised he did not know that. He claimed he didn’t.
I said I wanted a meeting with them both on Thursday to discuss this and agree a plan and dates. I am away for a week’s holiday the week after that and if I don’t get anything agreed then, it will be another week lost.
He went on to say that he was worried I may not cope with all this and had I thought it through. He said that once I tell someone it can’t be taken back.
I explained again that this will be happening and I knew what I was doing. I told him I knew it was difficult for him and others but they have to come to terms with it or at least they are going to have to live with it.
I explained that I would ideally like them to be accepting and approve, but if they weren’t it does not matter as I am not after their approval or permission.
He asked If I had a plan and I outlined again my thoughts on telling department managers and key customers in the run up to an agreed date, I explained I would take a couple of weeks of after we had told the rest of our company and then come back as me.
He said that was what I had mentioned before which it was. He said did I have any other ideas.
I said no but if you do I am happy to listen to them.
It went on a bit more and then I had to leave for an appointment.
Now I know it’s only been 2 weeks so far but I really feel nothing has changed at work at all yet. I am also very aware of how manipulative our senior team can be when they need to.
In difficult situations they often delay things and procrastinate hoping something else will happen and they won’t have to act. They almost ignore things sometimes but they should know me well enough to understand when I want or need something I do make it happen.
Half of me says give them some more time and the other half says no just push it hard now and show them that it will happen with or without their support.
They can sometimes surprise you and have been known on many occasions to do the right thing, but often I have also seen their ruthless approach all be it very pleasant in its appearance to orchestrate an outcome.
Basically I guess I don’t really trust them.
I have decided now that I am going to write a plan and give them a timing plan in much the same way I would put a plan to a customer and negotiate a way forward.
I think If I force an end date and write a plan of actions that need to happen in the run up they will either get their act together or make me some kind of offer which to be honest may suit me.
I am hoping to see my counsellor on Tuesday night and will go through this with her in case my enthusiasm is making me push this too hard to quickly.
I have to say I wish we had a HR department so I didn’t have to do all this. It is damn stressful really on top of everything else.
Please help my friend Rebecca
7 hours ago
8 comments:
Your boss doesn't sound very cooperative. It's a shame things have to be so complicated. I really appreciate how assertive you are though. I've never been good at that!
I hope you start seeing progress with the employment situation soon. Work is a huge part of our lives, and one of the more social aspects. Its a frustrating place to be stuck in a closet as the rest of your life progresses. I'll probably be in a similar situation soon and I understand all to well how upsetting hold ups can be.
Warm then cool! little wonder you are a bit apprehensive about the outcome.
I too would like to know sooner rather than later, all the time in agitation waiting is stressful and can only spoil your performance and spoil your image!
I like the idea of selling yourself as a project, they may even manage to understand it then!! Show how good you are at sales!
You now have to open a second open blog for us to follow to tell us to wander over here. Yes it is 3.45am.
Caroline xxx
I know it's hard to be patient as you try to take these final steps, but giving them just that much more time to process this might be beneficial for everyone in the long run.
I'm glad I can still read this even if it's private. I'm eager to hear how things go for you at work. Hang in there, hon. Eventually you'll be through the tube.
Hi Lisa,
I would certainly recommend putting together an action plan for him. Especially as you appear to not have a HR department. Timescales of what, where and when....etc.
On a personal level, then yes, just like most people it may take your boss time to get things sorted out in his head.
However, on a professional level he should be getting things sorted for you no matter how he feels about it. Having that action plan for him will make it easier and give him less excuses to make for stalling the process.
Let's face it. After a couple of weeks following you going full time, it will all be just yesterdays news and people will carry on as normal.
I hope things get sorted very soon so that you get on with your life.
Jo x
"I am going to write a plan and give them a timing plan in much the same way I would put a plan to a customer and negotiate a way forward."
I love hearing how consistent and firm you have been through all of this. Your plan will remind them how talented you are even as it furthers your cause.
You have done everything you can given the lack of an HR department; shame that, to have to teach the company what their responsibilities are on top of everything else.
Wow, at least you know how you stand given the ground you walk on. I commend your courage to push your agenda, and agree that since he asked you what your plan is, I would give him a more detailed plan of action with references and sources citing agencies or individuals who have experiences working with companies to change policies concerning employee who transition.
You might be the trans they have dealt with but you certainly won't be the last.
Hang in there and build in adjust time in your plan that you present to your senior managers.
Sarah
They do sound like they are dragging their feet a bit. I realize they have other things to deal with, like running the business. But somehow they need to realize that this is very important to you and not something that you can put off. And if you are important to them, they should really be more cooperative. They should realize that you have thought this through carefully, and they have to not be concerned with whether they understand it or not. They just need to accept reality.
I imagine you want to be careful about how hard you push. Need to find a balance where you look out for your own interests but don't alienate them.
Sorry, I can imagine how stressful this is. I hope it turns out much better than you are fearing now.
xoxo
Well... it's hard to find the right line to take... You obviously know them and how they think, so are perhaps makign the right approach. Be aware, though, that your emotions are not going to be straightforward right now, and impatience might rerar its head too soon.
It can take a while for them to get their heads around all this, and many people I know have created an action plan for their firm's use, sometimes in assocation with the HR department, if one exists.
The important thing is not to lose your cool, pet... :-)
Hugs
chrissie
xxxx
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